Not sure...

I'm kinda in a weird (at least for me it's weird) situation...I feel like I really want or even need to blog, but I don't know what to write about. ... I'm just, well...unsure about stuff right now. I remember back when I would blog like every other day because I was either thinking up a bunch of really cool stuff or had relationship issues with my friends... ...After all that drama and pain and God knows what scars were left on both sides, I still feel drawn to this particular person. Not nearly in the same way as I used to be, but when I see her online, I want to talk to her; to see how she's doing.

I know this isn't a bad thing, but knowing myself (and I like to think that I do a little), if I start being "overly" friendly I'm going to start to have feelings for her again.

Since the whole drama stuff, I've really tried to keep my distance because I know for me, that helps me move on, or get over it. And I have...but not completely. I've heard some say that old loves never die and others have said to just give it time. ... Hmmph, love...what a confusing word...What love do I mean? Before I think I was leaning towards "Eros" the passionate love felt between "lovers" (not sexually active, but to coin the romantic meaning of the word), but now I would say it's more of "philia" (friendship love, or "brotherly" love). The funny thing is that there is a hint of Eros still in me. Not meaning that there is a hope that we could get together, but rather a part of me that still deep down inside marinates in the moments we had, almost as if it doesn't want to let go...I don't even know how to get that part of me to let go. Do I even want to?

It seems like it's working as a reminder of what is to come...a sample of that love I've yearned for for so long...

I don't want to be a bad friend, but I don't want to risk going down that road again; it's just pain in the end. So I guess the question is: How do you be a good friend, to be there for the person when they need someone, to help them when they need help, to give when they need without running face first into a wall from the past? There has got to be a way, and I'm sure that I can't do it on my own. God give me strength.