God, Parents and Worth

Love. We have one word in the English language that we use in countless contexts to describe countless sensations. We have one word for what the Greeks had four. I’ve talked about “love” before, but this is a bit different because it’s something that I’ve never felt or thought about before.

This week at church and Life Group we talked about our worth to God, what that means and put it in the context our relationship with our parents. This is really interesting because my relationship with my parents over the years is something that I’ve always either ignored or didn’t think about too much. And then to think if it has influenced how I view God or my relationship with God. I jumped at this to dive into my mind and spirit and see what God wanted me to see, and for once our Life Group questions were more than just surface level thought and challenging.

Okay, what kicked this whole thing off was Todd Proctor talking about worth in God’s eyes. Most, if not all Christians have heard the phrase, “God loves you.” And if you’re anything like me, and apparently Todd, you’ll find that this phrase just kinda’ doesn’t hold the meaning it used to, it’s just a phrase. Well, Todd put “worth” into context, “You are my son, whom I love, with you I am well pleased.” (Luke 2:22) After reading/hearing this, I started thinking about what that means to have God say, “You are my son…I am well pleased.” Wow, and at this, Todd instructed us to picture God saying that of us…and I was like, that’s cool. But that was just the beginning because it opened up what it means to be worth something to God. “For while we were still sinners, Jesus died for our sin.” Sound familiar? If you want to hear the entire sermon, you can download it on Rock Harbor’s website.

Even while and though we are rotten failures, God still made the sacrifice to bridge the gap in the hope that we will take up that cross and be with him! But that’s not all. In this passage from Luke, God is showing himself as a vulnerable “parent” figure, not creator of all existence, but a father. So then tonight in Life Group we were challenged to think about our relationship with our parents. Woh, I’ve never thought about this!

Here are the questions asked:
• How did your parents show you love as a child?
• Did you feel like you had to do anything to earn your parents’ love and approval? If so, what?
• How did this affect the way you approached your parents? How about the way you viewed their love and acceptance?
• How did it affect your actions and your lifestyle?
• Could your relationship with your parents have influenced the way you view God and your relationship with Him? If so, how?
• Do you feel like you need to earn God’s love, or that it’s conditional in any way? If so, what affect has this had upon the way that you approach God? How does this play out in your life?

Holy crap! Okay, at the time when we got these questions in our groups, we were floored. So I really started thinking…way, way back to my younger years…

Okay, so how did my parents show me love? To be really honest, I don’t know or remember really. As a child I took it for granted, “They’re my parents, they have to love me.” With this view, I never really took notice of how they showed me love…except maybe by punishment; my mother has always been a firm believer in “you hurt the ones you love” theology…JUST KIDDING! She has her fun, but she never crosses any lines. Okay, so the more I thought about it, I don’t so much see direct signs of love (lots of time spent with them, hugs or whatever) but rather I saw all the sacrifices they made for all of us. My parents sacrificed a lot for us to have certain things that we didn’t need, but as kids, wanted and “thought” we needed it/them. That’s a big sign of love. And because of my view that they had to love me, I didn’t feel like I had to earn their love.

Although when I hit junior high my perspective changed…I didn’t want their love, I didn’t really want anything to do with them, so I became this punk kid who was mostly nothing more than a pain in their butts. This lasted probably until my junior year of high school or something like that, then I started to grow up and mature and I finally realized how smart and cool my parents were.

I also missed out on the third question because of all this; I never really approached my parents about anything. I thought they were cool and fun and all, but I never really saw them as “friends” or counselors of any kind. But once I started maturing, I saw that they did love me and instead of thinking that they have to love me, I saw that they chose to love me, which really makes it much sweeter.

With all of this changing and developing in my life and my departure for college, I can now look back and see that my parents have had a large influence in my lifestyle and actions. I’ve learned from some of their mistakes so I don’t necessarily get into the same holes and I’ve found that I hold much of the same morals and ethics as they have.

And since they have had such an impact on my lifestyle and actions, it’s a sure bet to say that they have influenced the way I view God and my relationship with him. Though the whole message of the sermon was to illustrate God as Father, I have never really seen him as my father. Even though my dad and I were never really close when I lived there, we are now and I know that my dad isn’t perfect, but the word “father” is an human title…and God is GOD! How could I put a human title on the creator of all existence and time? God is just too big for that. Anyway, back to my train of thought…with how my relationship has developed with my parents, and how much I love them and they love me; God’s love is just infinitely greater. It makes me joyful that he calls me his son and that he loves me so, it’s just hard for me to see him as dad or father because he has blessed me with a great relationship with my parents in the last few years and because I know they aren’t perfect, I don’t want to put an imperfect title on God…he is more than that.

Okay, so I know I’ve jumped around a lot, for that I apologize. My point is…well you know, I don’t really have a point. Take what you will or can out of it. I love my family. I have recently discovered the value of parents and how much I missed out on when I lived at home. I am very stoked about how much I am worth to my parents; that they would sacrifice so much for me; and then God sacrifices his son just so I can cross the bridge and be with him. Wow! Now, this blog is long enough, I shall go to bed now…lates!

Paths, Ways and Road Rash

At what age should a person begin to be responsible for themselves, their actions, their inactions, their choices, their commitments, their finances, their lives? I am overwhelmed as of late at the lack of responsibility in some of those around me. It truly is unbelievable...

And it gets even weirder...the more I try to face and deal with my issues, and the more I get over and conquer some, the more I notice the fantasy land that I was living in...the more I notice a few around me living in little fantasy worlds of their own. I'm at a loss. I have considered them friends since I've known them, but it upsets me that they don't or won't face reality...on any level.

I've found myself, at times, pulling so far away from them that they aren't really "friends" anymore, just so I don't get sucked back into the fantasy realm that I just woke from. Please, learn from me! By not facing your issues, or your fears, or your problems; by hiding, or justifying, you'll only dig yourself into a whole that gets harder and harder to get out. And when you finally do get out, you'll find that you have hurt so many to get out and that you yourself are hurt so deeply that you'll never be the same...

God wanted me to face some realities that I was running from...I was Jonah. In my running, my fantasy world, God provided for me the means to survive but he did not bless me as he would have if I faced my fear of putting myself in the spot light. I now realize this, and to some degree regret some, but definitely not ALL of my decisions between then and now, and my plans are to take this time that God has provided and prepare myself for what may come.

God wants different things for all of us, and if all we do is run, hide, cover up, justify or make excuses, we'll gain nothing from it. If you feel that God has you in some social, economic or spiritual position for a reason, don't let ANYTHING cloud it! By clouding the situation, other people will get a mixed or wrong message, and then it circulates back to you and all of a sudden...Where did your focus go? Not on being who, what or where God wants you to be, but on who, what and where YOU want you to be.

You know, God wanted me to be single for a very long time, but I would have nothing of it in high school. I didn't "play the field," but when I had a girlfriend, I made sure it was serious on some level. I was avoiding what God wanted to show me, what I needed to see and learn. So when I finally woke up and chose to face my issue, I broke a heart because I spent so much time and energy into building something that wouldn't last. After that, I got serious with God and from then until now, he has shown me a great many things about myself and about how I look at women.

But then I get anxious and decide to take the reigns toward the end of my college years. I decided that it was the best time for me to start dating again, and find a girlfriend...heh, I guess I'm not through being single because my walk failed miserably. I chose to take my walk in my own hands and instead of walking the path God wanted me on, I chose to walk a path that I wasn't ready for and ruined a friendship because of it, but I know God would take me down some day. Some day, God will take me down the path of finding a girlfriend...not now though.

There are reasons why God puts us in tough situations, and despite how much we want to hang on to an idea, or feeling, or person, we have to let go and not look back. We have to. Or else life just isn't healthy...and it'll only get worse the longer you hold on. We all have scars from things we've held onto, let's learn from our mistakes and walk the path that God has for us now.

Identity and Isolation

You know, there's something to be said about isolation, or spending time alone. A good majority of my friends have told me in the last few months that spending as much time as I do alone is bad or unhealthy. And to be perfectly honest, I believed them for the most part. Every time I found myself just sitting there alone, I felt guilty for some reason...I don't know.

This last week at church, the pastor was talking about starting a revolution, not like how Christians have tried modern "revival" things, but rather beginning to interact with the world, where the world is at. His main idea for the night was that before anything like this is possible, we need to know who we are. And not just, "Hi, my name is..." but what our identity is in Christ. His example was Christ's encounter with a man possessed by "Legion" (many, many demons).

If you want to hear the message or see the painting that the pastor verbally painted for us, visit www.rockharbor.org and look for the "latest message" link...or something along those lines. Or you can subscribe to their podcast.

Anyway, the reason this story/passage was used is because it illustrates the power of "identity," the power of isolation and it shows how identity can be gained/lost/manipulated. So this guy had lived outside of the "decapolis" around the area of the cemetery as a "crazed man." He was exiled by his family because of these demons that started taking hold of the guy and he spent many years living in this cemetery naked and alone. Christ comes along and asks the dude, "what is your name?" and instead of the guy (who had pleaded with Jesus to have mercy on him) saying, "Hi, my name is...Joe!" he said his name was Legion, because there were many demons; that was all he knew anymore. Why is this important? Well, the guy lost his identity...he chose to take up the crap the demons brought and identify himself with that. Later in the story after the 2000 some odd pigs drowned in the lake, the guy asked Jesus if he could come with him, but Jesus said, "no, you go home and tell the others what happened here." His identity had been restored and renewed. Cool, huh!

Well, there's a lot more to the message, but I'm a bit too tired to really re-live it for you in text format. So I'll just skip to what happened at Life Group on Tuesday night.

So, we're all there talking about other related scripture to the story of Legion and some guy decides to play all wise and authority on the topic of identity and isolation and then took the group in a direction that I don't believe the lesson or leaders intended...

He would talk about the social norms of that time and of that people and how everything happened for x,y and z; he said the man had no identity so he grasped onto whatever he could and it happened to be these demons in his life.... I'm not so sure. He had an identity, he just chose to look at the bad side and forget the positive. He was also saying the if it weren't for his isolation, he would have gained control over the demons and expel them himself, if there were good people to hang out with him and talk with him, etc. and that's why he cut himself (he was lonely and depressed).... Again, not sure. This guy was not about to talk to anyone seriously, the last people he did kicked him out of society.

Okay, now here is where I stepped in, I am not an authority on "identity" (Lord knows I've had my own identity issues in the past), but I do consider myself quite experienced with isolation and depression. Just so everyone knows, I'm not saying that what this guy had to say about identity is wrong, but it got away from the point that identity holds power. Think about it, when you were a little kid and you did something wrong, your parents would yell for you by your WHOLE name..."ANDREW AARON MUNDSCHAU, get your butt in here!" That's power! And let's not forget that God knows us uniquely and individually, meaning that He has a name that He uses for us. This name is what the pastor wanted us to discover, because knowing our identity in Christ, is power and strength.

Now as for the main topic, this guy with Legion, showed us what can happen if one seeks isolation for the wrong reasons or ends up losing site of the purpose. My friends are right, there can be such a thing as too much isolation; it can lead to depression and rash actions/inactions. However, and this is where I stand, isolation is a part of life. We all, at some point, want to be alone. There is power in isolation and alone time; Jesus knew this, why else would he go out into the wilderness for 40 days? Being alone gives us an opportunity to spend time with God that we can't do when other people are around, it's more intimate because it's just the two of you, anything can happen and anything can be said.

But, if one looks to being alone just to be alone, too much of this can lead to darker roads. I've been down these roads...and being where I am today, I regret it, but I appreciate it. Now I understand the struggle and the power of being alone. I'm aware of the different roads I can take when I am alone, and by choosing to be with God, I believe that I have found my identity in Him.

So, I guess on one level that guy in Life Group was right, and on another I am right....(wow, what a post-modern statement)...

I enjoy the alone time that I have (and it is a lot), but I also appreciate the fellowship that my friends bring...and both are needed to live a healthy and joyful life. Alright, it's late and my brain is fried!

Growing up

My mother always told me never to rush to grow up...well, did I listen to her, nope. I've had to go through a lot in the last couple of months that has forced me to "grow up" and move to a place where I'm not always having fun.

Part of it contributed by me finishing college, but the rest because I chose to be child-like the last couple of years and not work on transitioning out of what was "comfortable." Essentially, I rushed to grow up, and when I saw what was required, thought that I could spend some time being a kid and then hit a wall when I graduated and have recently worked my way over that wall.

Generally, everything has worked out, but it hasn't always been fun. "Growing up" and facing reality and maturing to this point needs to be a life long transition...well from 0-20 anyway. These years aren't meant to be rushed through so you can "be an adult" (whatever that means), but rather, they're meant so you can live life as it comes and so you can be fully prepared for the years to come when you HAVE to be an adult.

If it's not too late for you, take your time in high school and college. Live a little...don't be irresponsible, but don't rush to get out and on your own, it just slaps you in your face if you're not prepared. If you're too late like me, well, there's hope. There always is, you just have to go out there and find it...find that light at the end of the tunnel.

That's it tonight.

Thoughts for the day...

Okay, so I've noticed that I'm not very much what anyone would say is a "normal person." In fact, I would be willing to go out on a stretch and say that I'm a bit "aby normal" (abnormal for those of you who haven't seen "Young Frankenstein").

What brought this on? I'm not sure, but I think it has to do with how much I've changed myself or rather, how far God has stretched me recently. I've been thinking (which can be a dangerous thing at times), that in the last four years, I have generally drawn close to the dark, morbid and sometimes depressing aspects of life...or maybe not aspects, but themes. And I've generally felt content about it and felt like that's where I belong. And tonight I was thinking about it and realized that my friends, my close friends, are nothing like that. Many of them are "bright and bubbly" people who dwell closer to the happy and cheery themes of life. Does that strike anyone else as odd?

Some have told me that I have friends like that because it's a "cry for help," I don't want "to be stuck in this dark trend," or even to help balance me out so I feel "normal." *thinks for a moment* I'm sorry but that just sounds like a load of crap to me! How dare anyone try to justify, for me, who my friends are...or who I am! I am who I am for a reason, and God has a purpose for my life! My friends don't balance me out, at the least they help UNbalance me (which is a good thing; that's one way someone matures).

Okay, so anyway. I honestly don't know why I have the friends I do...do I need a reason? To my knowledge, they like me for who I am, and I like them for who they are.

Recently, I have gone outside of my norm, to be who they want me to be...I wanted to try and understand what they wanted from me, but I lost sense of who I am; of what I am. I lost a lot of what made me feel at ease, I stepped out of the darkness and tried living in that light and I choked.

I can't say that it was wrong or bad for me to walk the steps I chose, I learned a lot about them and myself during that time. For instance, I like The Killers and Yellowcard. I also learned that I am not a big fan of the "artsy," "poppy," singer/songwriter music or that whole style (clothing). I could never "fit in" or live like that. I forgot how much I appreciated those dark and sometimes dreary songs by rock, folk and metal bands that just express some of the feelings inside of me so well that when I hear them, I zone out for a time and just "experience" the song. Wow.

I am, who I am; only one can judge me. What does it matter if I'm like my friends, or my friends are like me? It doesn't. We don't need to be like each other to enjoy our company; I don't need to fit to their liking and they don't need to fit to mine. No matter what, we are there for each other; without bias, without blame, without prejudice; no matter the history, no matter the present, no matter the time. That's what makes us such close friends.

And I am glad.