Thoughts for the day...

Okay, so I've noticed that I'm not very much what anyone would say is a "normal person." In fact, I would be willing to go out on a stretch and say that I'm a bit "aby normal" (abnormal for those of you who haven't seen "Young Frankenstein").

What brought this on? I'm not sure, but I think it has to do with how much I've changed myself or rather, how far God has stretched me recently. I've been thinking (which can be a dangerous thing at times), that in the last four years, I have generally drawn close to the dark, morbid and sometimes depressing aspects of life...or maybe not aspects, but themes. And I've generally felt content about it and felt like that's where I belong. And tonight I was thinking about it and realized that my friends, my close friends, are nothing like that. Many of them are "bright and bubbly" people who dwell closer to the happy and cheery themes of life. Does that strike anyone else as odd?

Some have told me that I have friends like that because it's a "cry for help," I don't want "to be stuck in this dark trend," or even to help balance me out so I feel "normal." *thinks for a moment* I'm sorry but that just sounds like a load of crap to me! How dare anyone try to justify, for me, who my friends are...or who I am! I am who I am for a reason, and God has a purpose for my life! My friends don't balance me out, at the least they help UNbalance me (which is a good thing; that's one way someone matures).

Okay, so anyway. I honestly don't know why I have the friends I do...do I need a reason? To my knowledge, they like me for who I am, and I like them for who they are.

Recently, I have gone outside of my norm, to be who they want me to be...I wanted to try and understand what they wanted from me, but I lost sense of who I am; of what I am. I lost a lot of what made me feel at ease, I stepped out of the darkness and tried living in that light and I choked.

I can't say that it was wrong or bad for me to walk the steps I chose, I learned a lot about them and myself during that time. For instance, I like The Killers and Yellowcard. I also learned that I am not a big fan of the "artsy," "poppy," singer/songwriter music or that whole style (clothing). I could never "fit in" or live like that. I forgot how much I appreciated those dark and sometimes dreary songs by rock, folk and metal bands that just express some of the feelings inside of me so well that when I hear them, I zone out for a time and just "experience" the song. Wow.

I am, who I am; only one can judge me. What does it matter if I'm like my friends, or my friends are like me? It doesn't. We don't need to be like each other to enjoy our company; I don't need to fit to their liking and they don't need to fit to mine. No matter what, we are there for each other; without bias, without blame, without prejudice; no matter the history, no matter the present, no matter the time. That's what makes us such close friends.

And I am glad.