Amazement

Do you ever feel like the last few years or so of your life has been a bit of a waste? I mean, not a total waste, but more like a necessary waste? Like you had to take the step you took, but it just seems like you could have done other things and still some how learned what you learned...

I guess I'm in one of those ruts now, but not totally...Over the last couple of weeks or so, I've been working on my Demo Reel and resume so I have them prepared for my job search, and well...I'm almost done and I think, "Wow! I could have done all this a long time ago and not be here now." If I had been serious about my future career, I would have kept way better track of the projects that I worked on and would probably not be doing what I'm doing now.

I could have gone anywhere, but I made the decisions I made. I do not regret the decisions I've made; I've just been wondering where I could be, what I could be doing, who I would be around/with.

Heh, and this whole time I've been wondering, I've been re-cutting a film me and a couple friends did my sophomore or junior year of college and putting it all together in my demo reel and designing the case cover and designing the menu...I looked at it all today, and for the first time in my life...I'm truly amazed and proud of what I have done, of the work I've completed on this project. I've never really felt this good about any of my projects...and now I'm authoring a menu system that rivals some professional DVD's! (As long as all the necessary parts come through.)

I saw today why I made most of the choices I did; I see why I stayed behind this year; I understand that this whole time I've been selling myself short; I've learned a lot over the last five years, and though I'm nervous about going out, I'm confident in my skills. I know I'm not the best, but I'm good.

I'm a good person, a moral person who loves God, has taken the responsibility to think and process reasonably and independently, loves and appreciates my family and friends. Goodness, if it weren't for my family and friends...I wouldn't be here now.

I've changed; I'm sure of it. And these changes, though hard and painful at times, have been for the better and have been so worth it. I can't imagine that the countless other paths that I could have taken would have been so amazing as this has been.

Moral of the story: NEVER regret the decisions you make! Be sorry for the bad one's, but know that they only help mold you into a better person down the road.