Trials and Tribulations...

I'm in one of those sad and depressing moods where I would like to talk to someone, but the only person I would really be totally open and honest with is going through pretty much the same thing. So I now turn to my blog. Is that sad? I'll unpack that some other time.

I mentioned in my previous blog how I may put on a show that I really like the holiday season, but deep down inside, I can't stand this time of year...The reason: I'M LONELY!

I recently had a discussion with a friend where we discussed such things as deepest fears, what makes you happy, craziest thing you've ever done and so on...and my greatest fear is to be alone all my life and never know love (agape or eros). And I now realize how long it took for me to come up with an answer for what makes me happy. My answer ended up being moments with friends where we're having fun, but can be very honest and intimate with each other because it gives me hope that happiness is out there.

I also have a great mother and aunt who say that I'm too great of a guy to be alone, that she'll find me one day...I believe they're right. I believe that one day happiness and the purest joy God can give will one day be mine to experience for a season. But not yet.

Why is this? I'm sure that there are other people experiencing the same thing..."Why am I alone again?" And I have to say that I just think that I'm (we're) not quite ready. For me, I am in the middle of a season of growth and maturation. There's no way that what I'm going through is not meant to teach me or stretch me; it's just not possible. You see, I don't think that we have the capability to be who we're meant to be unless we go through certain trials; trials break down the rough edges and in transition from one trial to another, we're buffed out; to smooth out the edges.

I'm sure this isn't a new concept to anyone, but it has taken on a new meaning for me: We don't have periods of trials in life, we have periods of life in our trials. We will never be free of trials and tribulations, but we can benefit from the refining process if we simply let it happen. That's it I guess.

I just need to sit back and let it happen and be the best friend/employee/son/brother or whatever I can be.