So today I was at work at a very slow point in the day and I got to browsing my MySpace friends and something got me thinking…
What would you tell me if I asked you who your real, life-long friends were? I’m sure you would have a list of at least a few people, and to be honest with you, I have a list of my own. I figured it out today that my list was just cut in half…I guess it shouldn’t surprise me considering that I haven’t spent any time (other than email) with these people in four of five months; but still, there was a point in my life where I called these people family…we laughed, we lived, we loved.
My point is, we have these perceptions at this point in our life, and we know what we’re feeling now…but you never know for how long. And if you live on believing things are fine and dandy, it just hurts more when you realize the truth; that despite any effort by you, they don’t care enough to reciprocate the time/effort.
And the pain begins.
And the memories flow.
And the good time role.
And the images go black.
I think what makes it so hard for me is that either no one thought that I would want to know what was going on in their lives or I’ve been forgotten. Now, I realize that I may just be over-reacting, and I totally understand and might think/feel the same if I weren’t me, but I am me and there is no escaping that. It just hurts to see that my “family” and I have stopped being friends and fallen back to being acquaintances or just “someone I knew…”
A few years ago I went through something very similar to this; I blamed myself and barely survived. Now it just hurts down deep because I loved them and cherished their friendship. I just want the pain to stop.
Please don’t get me wrong; I’m glad to see that they’re happy with their lives. I just wish we were still family. So, if you have ever had a really close friend and stopped communicating for whatever reason, please don’t forget them when big things happen in your life. They will care and they do want to know.
I guess that’s it for now. I don’t hate anyone and I don’t mean to complain, I just needed to get it out so I can work through and get passed all of it so I can move on with my life and find my real life-long friends.
If my “family” is reading this, thank you for the good times, laughs and love. I miss you.
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2 comments:
i've posted my fair share of "how come i have to miss peeps so much, and why can't we be great friends forever" blogs... so i think i hear you clearly.
what i have to always remind myself is that friendships don't live forever, any more than a local church congregation does, or any more than an oak tree does. some last longer than others, and i often find myself staring at the oaks in my orchard and thinking, "wow. i can't imagine life without this tree here."
but the truth is, even Methusaleh died, right?
i think i'm slowly becoming content with the truth, that great things don't last forever. it's not their nature. now... they might be reborn, and that's always an awesome thing, but consider this: why were those peeps your "family"? wasn't it because something strong drew you together, like being on the same dorm floor or having the same major or both being in a choir?
why would you expect those things to last forever? and if you wouldn't expect those to last forever (e.g., you don't live on 3rd floor HH anymore), then why would the friendships they enabled remain strong forever?
proximity is a huge element of good friendship. i think maybe technoglobalization has caused us to take for granted the great friendships we have, too, because no matter where we go, we can always be connected. but there's something deceptive going on there, i think.
i'll stop rambling now. =) excellent post, as usual.
oh, p.s.: i'm subscribed to your blog, so i won't miss anything you post. =D technoglobalization isn't all bad.
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