It's been well over a year since my last posting. I doubt I had any real followers (if I did, sorry and you should all find yourselves a good church to follow instead of me, lol) who missed the things I've had to say, but after the night I've just had and the things that I've been given the opportunity to think about, I can't help but post something of my (maybe distorted by a small volume of alcohol) thoughts and feelings from my soul.

I've found myself in an awkward predicament with my roommates this evening. Over that last several months I've found myself passing judgment as to whether they are naive and uncultured or just bigoted, but I find myself more "tolerant" of their life experiences. For instance, I just found out that both of them have only recently been exposed to death on a deep and personal level. One had a close grandparent die last winter and the other, a brother two and a half years ago. Here I am with a close friend committing suicide while in high school and almost committing the same act myself not long after. How can one relate these differences? Though death has touched us all, the result is very different for all of us. I'm pretty sure that I do not have the answers for any of their questions; for that matter, I don't have the answers to my questions.

What I do know is that I have exposed a part of myself (maybe unintentionally) to my roommates that I have always planned on keeping secret. I never planned on letting anyone into my secret plan to end my life, but here I am telling them and now you about it. Well, sort of.

This will be a short one for tonight. My brain is too cluster f***** to really put it all into cohesive thought, but maybe one night I will have it down.